The most unpleasant things...

In the last few weeks I have bought a car and shopped for health insurance - easily two of the most unpleasant experiences know to man. But then it got me thinking - apart from the obvious (sickness, death, violence, grief, crime, etc.) what are the most annoying things in my life and what makes them unpleasant. So here goes take one of the list of things that suck:

1. Moving - Everyting sucks about moving. You have to organize labor, pack up your crap, and do all that annoying bill-paying related stuff, like deal with your phone and electric and change your address on your credit cards and everything else. Moving also involves asking for favors which, if you're a guy, is particularly challenging. Mostly though, moving involves changing your home base. Home is a sanctuary and a way that you define yourself, and when you uproot yourself and change sanctuaries, it's usually not fun.
2. Car shopping - Car shopping sucks because it is scary to spend that much money on something that, let's face it, you don't really know that much about. It is in your best interest to get the best car for the least amount of money, and it is in the car dealer's best interest to sell you the least amount of car for the most money. They want to get the crap off their lot, so that's what they want you to buy. They use time and fatigue and ignorance against you, and you pretty much have to take it if you want a car.
3. Looking for a job - Especially lately, looking for a job has never sucked more. You wear your best suit, comb your hair, and summarize everything that is worthwhile about you in a two-page resume that reads like a careerbuilder ad. At its core, job seeking is repeated rejection. It used to be that you applied for 10-15 jobs and got rejected by all but 2 or 3. But now, due to the glory of the Internet, you can get rejected hundreds of times in one afternoon. If you get the interview, you then get to prostrate yourself in front of a disinterested middle manager and tell them - in dollars - what you think you are worth as a human being. Then, to make matters worse, they tell you that they think you're worth less than what you thought.
   
4. Breaking up - Man this is a hard one (allegedly, it's hard to do). I've been married for 12 years and I still remember what it was like to break up. It involves doing something willfully that will hurt another person. Even worse, it's another person that you (supposedly) cared about at one time. The only thing worse than breaking up is breaking up about 6 months after you should have broken up. Then it's just plain ugly.
5. Dealing with banks/insurance companies/ universities / brokers/large commercial institutions - This admittedly is a catchall, but all of these things have one thing in common. They are in business because they get money out of you for a service. This means that you are paying them to do something you can't do for yourself that you need to be done. Health insurance is a perfect example. It's like playing roulette at a casino. The game is rigged in the house's favor. You can't win. All you can do is try to mitigate the expense. The bigger the company, the more stable the service - but the less of a poop they give about you. Blue Cross could not care less about me. They want my premiums and they want to pay as little as possible in claims. Period. Keeping me alive is only in their best interest if I am not filing claims and paying as high a premium as they can squeeze out of me. Ugh. Must stop before ugly Rob takes over.

Surprisingly, the dentist and doctor didn't make the list. I really don't mind them that much, compared to these other things. They do their best and they really have my best interests at heart (or at least mine do). Hangovers also didn't make the list because, let's face it, they are my own damn fault. Next post will be my favorite things. I promise.

Where have I been?

I go to get my car registration renewed, but I can't because I need my emissions tested. So I take my 10 year old Forester in and I flunk the test. I flunk it because my check engine light is on. Can't fix the problem, can't pass the emissions test, can't register plates. So... I am now the owner of a 2008 Forester that will have the same problems in 9 years when they change the fuel mixture standards again.

I did learn some lessons in the new car buying process:

1. Get your own financing. I went through USAA and got a great loan and walked into the dealership with a blank check. It was liberating.
2. Don't bring your trade-in the first time you go to a dealership. It says "I'm not going to buy anything tonight" so they don't play any of the waiting games with you. I was able to hit 4 dealerships in 3 hours, and test drive six vehicles because they just wanted to get me out of there.
3. Don't take the extended warranty on a used car. They offered me one for $2200, and then when I refused, they offered it again for $1300. I still refused. These warranties don't cover anything that could conceivably be the result of wear (like breaks or belts or gaskets or shocks). And even if I need a new alternator, or a new Knock sensor, these repairs will be less than $2200.
4. Bring a spare key for your trade-in. They almost always make you wait while they "find the keys". The logic behind this is that the longer you sit in that sales room , the longer you have to consider their last offer. If you bring a spare key, then they are just jerks for losing your key.
5. Everything is on the Internet - I spent about 18 hours online for about six hours of showroom time.
6. Some stuff on the Internet is a LIE. I went to Midway Dodge because of an ad I saw on Cars.com. I called 4 times to confirm the car was on the lot. I got there an hour and a half after my last call. It was 11 in the morning on a day with thunderstorms and lightning. They said they had sold the car a half hour before they got there. They lie. Which brings me to my next point...
7. Trust your gut. The guys at Midway Dodge just SEEM sleazy. Pinky rings, manicures, fake gold, the works. I should have walked out immediately.
8. The dealers only want to get every penny they can out of you. Even the nice ones. Return the favor. Know the blue book values (trade-in, private party, and dealer) for every car you look at. Don't buy anything more than you need.
9. Get the CarFAX from your dealer. As well as the maintenance record from that ubiquitous "129 point inspection" that everyone talks about. If they are serious, they will show you this stuff before you buy. If they don't - forget it.
10. The weapons they use against you are: time, ignorance, confusion and fatigue. They make you wait for no reason to make you tired and hungry. All you want is a new car right NOW and they keep throwing around terms that you don't know anything about. Take these weapons out of their arsenal by being prepared.

Anyway - I hope these lessons help you out. If I missed anything, let me know. I don't feel like I ripped off the dealership, but at least I don't feel like they took advantage of me. I used my iphone for a loan calculator and a used car finder (so I could show them what their competition was offering). I knew what I wanted going in, and I pretty much got it. The only thing that worked against me was that I gave myself a pretty tight timetable, so I did the whole process in about 5 days. I would have rather had a few weeks to check out different inventories, but... oh well. I got a car and my wife likes it, and that's all that counts.

Been busy for a bit

Starbux girl: you want the second shot on us?
Me: not literally.

The Day After Christmas

A friend of mine, John Austin wrote a song about the day after Christmas and it's pretty good. It paints a picture of the strewn detritus that is pretty inevitable after the typical family Christmas. It would work as a pretty good "morning after" song in general, and he just picked December 26th as the biggest let-down day of them all. It's a hopeful song, though, and like a lot of John's songs points to hope in tragedy.

My parents countered that inevitable post-holiday letdown in their own way. They were married on Boxing Day in England. In all fairness, Boxing day is really still a pretty big deal in the UK. It's the day after Christmas when people still give gifts and everything is still closed. This, of course, made it hard to find things like florists and caterers, but all the same, there they were.

My Dad is a small-town methodist, and my Mom was as Catholic as they come. They were married in England after a really quick courtship. I'm not sure my Dad's family even made the trip from upstate New York. I know my Mom's Catholic great-aunt almost boycotted the wedding because they would be serving communion to a protestant. But there they were, married nonetheless.

So they added some joy to the day after Christmas that wasn't there before. For our family, the time between Thanksgiving and New Year's is one event after another. I, my sister, and my grandmother all have December birthdays. We celebrate our parents' anniversary, and, oh yeah, there's Christmas.

December was stressful growing up. There was a lot to remember, and we always seemed to have lots to do and gifts to buy. Looking back, though, I think my parents made the right call - picking the 26th for their wedding. For them, the day after Christmas is not just changing batteries, cleaning the mess, and eating leftovers. It is a dinner out, sweet gifts, and a memory of a wedding that happened 41 years ago, across an ocean, in a small chapel, on a day when everything else was closed.

So Merry Day After Christmas to you all. And happy anniversary, Mom and Dad.

My wife brought this home from a Christmas Party

Stupid white elephant gift exchange. Seriously.

She rocks the Old MacDonald

Our five year old had her first piano recital on Thursday. She practiced Old MacDonald like mad and here was the result:



Unfortuately, my friend Bart called in the middle of the performance, so we missed the thrilling "here a song, there a song, everywhere a song song." but it was good. My favorite part was when she held out a whole note, she would sing "hooold two three four" - like we needed to know she was pausing on purpose.




The teachers, God bless' em made the kids do a rock-n-roll bow at the end a-la Spinal Tap. It was thrilling to say the least.



I was pretty surprised when the teacher said that her pitch and rhythm were advanced for her age, and that she could pitch-match with her voice. I guess I hadn't been noticing (bad Dad!), but I've always loved it when she sings. I think she wants a violin next.

Dining out: Restaurants named after foods

I have an informal rule about dining out.

When dining at a restaurant that has a "famous" dish (e.g. "El Famous Burrito"), or an eponymous dish (Steak and Shake), one must always order said dish on the first visit to that restaurant.

Usually it works out, with the obvious exceptions of Red Lobster and Olive Garden. And I did bend the rule at the Chicago Chop House, by ordering steak instead of chops. But I've had prime rib at Lawry's, Burritos at numerous establishments. I've eaten Chicken at Harold's Chicken Shack and, of course, numerous burgers and pizzas.

The real treat comes when restaurants have a special that is named for the restaurant. Such as the "Combinacion El Tapatio" at El Tapatio in Chicago on Ashland and Roscoe. Ordered that the first time I went there and loved it. I've probably ordered that a dozen times. Still don't know what it is... I think some kind of tacos and enchiladas. But it's great, and I'll order it again.

The dilemma occurs, of course, when numerous items are named after the restaurant (e.g. the "Lloyd's house salad", and the "Lloyd's burger" and the "Lloyd's chipped beef on toast"). When that happens, I usually forego the rule because - let's face it - there is obviously no sacred bond between Lloyd and that salad. Probably Lloyd just paid attention during the brand and marketing class in business school.

The rule has served me well, and I will most certainly continue to follow it. Of course, I will need to venture carefully if I ever go to Hooters.