The most unpleasant things...

In the last few weeks I have bought a car and shopped for health insurance - easily two of the most unpleasant experiences know to man. But then it got me thinking - apart from the obvious (sickness, death, violence, grief, crime, etc.) what are the most annoying things in my life and what makes them unpleasant. So here goes take one of the list of things that suck:

1. Moving - Everyting sucks about moving. You have to organize labor, pack up your crap, and do all that annoying bill-paying related stuff, like deal with your phone and electric and change your address on your credit cards and everything else. Moving also involves asking for favors which, if you're a guy, is particularly challenging. Mostly though, moving involves changing your home base. Home is a sanctuary and a way that you define yourself, and when you uproot yourself and change sanctuaries, it's usually not fun.
2. Car shopping - Car shopping sucks because it is scary to spend that much money on something that, let's face it, you don't really know that much about. It is in your best interest to get the best car for the least amount of money, and it is in the car dealer's best interest to sell you the least amount of car for the most money. They want to get the crap off their lot, so that's what they want you to buy. They use time and fatigue and ignorance against you, and you pretty much have to take it if you want a car.
3. Looking for a job - Especially lately, looking for a job has never sucked more. You wear your best suit, comb your hair, and summarize everything that is worthwhile about you in a two-page resume that reads like a careerbuilder ad. At its core, job seeking is repeated rejection. It used to be that you applied for 10-15 jobs and got rejected by all but 2 or 3. But now, due to the glory of the Internet, you can get rejected hundreds of times in one afternoon. If you get the interview, you then get to prostrate yourself in front of a disinterested middle manager and tell them - in dollars - what you think you are worth as a human being. Then, to make matters worse, they tell you that they think you're worth less than what you thought.
   
4. Breaking up - Man this is a hard one (allegedly, it's hard to do). I've been married for 12 years and I still remember what it was like to break up. It involves doing something willfully that will hurt another person. Even worse, it's another person that you (supposedly) cared about at one time. The only thing worse than breaking up is breaking up about 6 months after you should have broken up. Then it's just plain ugly.
5. Dealing with banks/insurance companies/ universities / brokers/large commercial institutions - This admittedly is a catchall, but all of these things have one thing in common. They are in business because they get money out of you for a service. This means that you are paying them to do something you can't do for yourself that you need to be done. Health insurance is a perfect example. It's like playing roulette at a casino. The game is rigged in the house's favor. You can't win. All you can do is try to mitigate the expense. The bigger the company, the more stable the service - but the less of a poop they give about you. Blue Cross could not care less about me. They want my premiums and they want to pay as little as possible in claims. Period. Keeping me alive is only in their best interest if I am not filing claims and paying as high a premium as they can squeeze out of me. Ugh. Must stop before ugly Rob takes over.

Surprisingly, the dentist and doctor didn't make the list. I really don't mind them that much, compared to these other things. They do their best and they really have my best interests at heart (or at least mine do). Hangovers also didn't make the list because, let's face it, they are my own damn fault. Next post will be my favorite things. I promise.

Where have I been?

I go to get my car registration renewed, but I can't because I need my emissions tested. So I take my 10 year old Forester in and I flunk the test. I flunk it because my check engine light is on. Can't fix the problem, can't pass the emissions test, can't register plates. So... I am now the owner of a 2008 Forester that will have the same problems in 9 years when they change the fuel mixture standards again.

I did learn some lessons in the new car buying process:

1. Get your own financing. I went through USAA and got a great loan and walked into the dealership with a blank check. It was liberating.
2. Don't bring your trade-in the first time you go to a dealership. It says "I'm not going to buy anything tonight" so they don't play any of the waiting games with you. I was able to hit 4 dealerships in 3 hours, and test drive six vehicles because they just wanted to get me out of there.
3. Don't take the extended warranty on a used car. They offered me one for $2200, and then when I refused, they offered it again for $1300. I still refused. These warranties don't cover anything that could conceivably be the result of wear (like breaks or belts or gaskets or shocks). And even if I need a new alternator, or a new Knock sensor, these repairs will be less than $2200.
4. Bring a spare key for your trade-in. They almost always make you wait while they "find the keys". The logic behind this is that the longer you sit in that sales room , the longer you have to consider their last offer. If you bring a spare key, then they are just jerks for losing your key.
5. Everything is on the Internet - I spent about 18 hours online for about six hours of showroom time.
6. Some stuff on the Internet is a LIE. I went to Midway Dodge because of an ad I saw on Cars.com. I called 4 times to confirm the car was on the lot. I got there an hour and a half after my last call. It was 11 in the morning on a day with thunderstorms and lightning. They said they had sold the car a half hour before they got there. They lie. Which brings me to my next point...
7. Trust your gut. The guys at Midway Dodge just SEEM sleazy. Pinky rings, manicures, fake gold, the works. I should have walked out immediately.
8. The dealers only want to get every penny they can out of you. Even the nice ones. Return the favor. Know the blue book values (trade-in, private party, and dealer) for every car you look at. Don't buy anything more than you need.
9. Get the CarFAX from your dealer. As well as the maintenance record from that ubiquitous "129 point inspection" that everyone talks about. If they are serious, they will show you this stuff before you buy. If they don't - forget it.
10. The weapons they use against you are: time, ignorance, confusion and fatigue. They make you wait for no reason to make you tired and hungry. All you want is a new car right NOW and they keep throwing around terms that you don't know anything about. Take these weapons out of their arsenal by being prepared.

Anyway - I hope these lessons help you out. If I missed anything, let me know. I don't feel like I ripped off the dealership, but at least I don't feel like they took advantage of me. I used my iphone for a loan calculator and a used car finder (so I could show them what their competition was offering). I knew what I wanted going in, and I pretty much got it. The only thing that worked against me was that I gave myself a pretty tight timetable, so I did the whole process in about 5 days. I would have rather had a few weeks to check out different inventories, but... oh well. I got a car and my wife likes it, and that's all that counts.

Been busy for a bit

Starbux girl: you want the second shot on us?
Me: not literally.

The Day After Christmas

A friend of mine, John Austin wrote a song about the day after Christmas and it's pretty good. It paints a picture of the strewn detritus that is pretty inevitable after the typical family Christmas. It would work as a pretty good "morning after" song in general, and he just picked December 26th as the biggest let-down day of them all. It's a hopeful song, though, and like a lot of John's songs points to hope in tragedy.

My parents countered that inevitable post-holiday letdown in their own way. They were married on Boxing Day in England. In all fairness, Boxing day is really still a pretty big deal in the UK. It's the day after Christmas when people still give gifts and everything is still closed. This, of course, made it hard to find things like florists and caterers, but all the same, there they were.

My Dad is a small-town methodist, and my Mom was as Catholic as they come. They were married in England after a really quick courtship. I'm not sure my Dad's family even made the trip from upstate New York. I know my Mom's Catholic great-aunt almost boycotted the wedding because they would be serving communion to a protestant. But there they were, married nonetheless.

So they added some joy to the day after Christmas that wasn't there before. For our family, the time between Thanksgiving and New Year's is one event after another. I, my sister, and my grandmother all have December birthdays. We celebrate our parents' anniversary, and, oh yeah, there's Christmas.

December was stressful growing up. There was a lot to remember, and we always seemed to have lots to do and gifts to buy. Looking back, though, I think my parents made the right call - picking the 26th for their wedding. For them, the day after Christmas is not just changing batteries, cleaning the mess, and eating leftovers. It is a dinner out, sweet gifts, and a memory of a wedding that happened 41 years ago, across an ocean, in a small chapel, on a day when everything else was closed.

So Merry Day After Christmas to you all. And happy anniversary, Mom and Dad.

My wife brought this home from a Christmas Party

Stupid white elephant gift exchange. Seriously.

She rocks the Old MacDonald

Our five year old had her first piano recital on Thursday. She practiced Old MacDonald like mad and here was the result:



Unfortuately, my friend Bart called in the middle of the performance, so we missed the thrilling "here a song, there a song, everywhere a song song." but it was good. My favorite part was when she held out a whole note, she would sing "hooold two three four" - like we needed to know she was pausing on purpose.




The teachers, God bless' em made the kids do a rock-n-roll bow at the end a-la Spinal Tap. It was thrilling to say the least.



I was pretty surprised when the teacher said that her pitch and rhythm were advanced for her age, and that she could pitch-match with her voice. I guess I hadn't been noticing (bad Dad!), but I've always loved it when she sings. I think she wants a violin next.

Dining out: Restaurants named after foods

I have an informal rule about dining out.

When dining at a restaurant that has a "famous" dish (e.g. "El Famous Burrito"), or an eponymous dish (Steak and Shake), one must always order said dish on the first visit to that restaurant.

Usually it works out, with the obvious exceptions of Red Lobster and Olive Garden. And I did bend the rule at the Chicago Chop House, by ordering steak instead of chops. But I've had prime rib at Lawry's, Burritos at numerous establishments. I've eaten Chicken at Harold's Chicken Shack and, of course, numerous burgers and pizzas.

The real treat comes when restaurants have a special that is named for the restaurant. Such as the "Combinacion El Tapatio" at El Tapatio in Chicago on Ashland and Roscoe. Ordered that the first time I went there and loved it. I've probably ordered that a dozen times. Still don't know what it is... I think some kind of tacos and enchiladas. But it's great, and I'll order it again.

The dilemma occurs, of course, when numerous items are named after the restaurant (e.g. the "Lloyd's house salad", and the "Lloyd's burger" and the "Lloyd's chipped beef on toast"). When that happens, I usually forego the rule because - let's face it - there is obviously no sacred bond between Lloyd and that salad. Probably Lloyd just paid attention during the brand and marketing class in business school.

The rule has served me well, and I will most certainly continue to follow it. Of course, I will need to venture carefully if I ever go to Hooters.

Sugar and my daughter, Grendel-Beast

We had Beck's brother over on Saturday to build gingerbread houses and mingle the cousins. We had a great time. The above photo is me holding a sugar-crazed daughter who miraculously stopped moving long enough to get a picture.

The houses were great. Except for my friend Laura's house that didn't exactly stick together using frosting. So... we went to the hot glue gun. FYI - if you need to build a gingerbread house in a hurry (and hey, who doesn't) a hot glue gun works WAY better than frosting. And... the glue is non-toxic, so therefore everything is officially edible. Of course, no one eats a gingerbread house anyway. They just sit on their cardboard getting stale while we all pick the jujubees off the roof.

Anyway good time was had by all - until about 10 o'clock. We had geniusly timed my two-year -old's sugar rush to dissipate at 9 pm, so she went to sleep while I was reading her stories (LOVE when that happens). But my five year old turned in to Grendel the beast at about 10:30. She was that unholy combination of sugar, lack-of-sleep, and being five. She spun a legendary tantrum that not only woke her sister, but invoked the dreaded Santa threat ("you think Santa's going to bring you presents if you keep acting like this?") Histrionics ensued, and then finally, peace.

It's worth it though. Parents only get about five or six years to create magic Christmases and after that it's all i-Tunes gift cards and mountain bikes. So we'll keep making the gingerbread and cookies, and deal with the tantrums. I say it's an even trade. But, if someone knows of a good sugar-free Christmas treat, I'm all ears.

It's the hypocrisy, stupid

I hate hypocrisy. I think we all do. Especially this time of year.

Christmas is an extremely dishonest time of year - we greet each other with "Merry Christmas" and extol the "Christmas Spirit." The truth is one in ten of us are out of a job and the other nine are scared to death. I'm stressed out about shopping and bills. I don't know how this is going to end.

So I think that is what galls us so much about Blago. He is the hypocrite's hypocrite. He lies as a first option, not a last resort. He was elected to root out the corrupt state government and restore honor to the gov-ship of Illinois after the Ryan debacle. Instead he's just as sleazy.

That actually makes him worse because not only did he rip us off, he played holier than thou while he was doing it by differentiating himself from the other crooks. Kind of like an anti-gay congressman being caught in a men's room stall.

It just seems particularly bad at Christmas.

How they will view the recession in 100 years

I have been thinking a lot about the current recession, like every other American, and I was wondering if part of our problem was that we have a very narrow historical view of what is happening.

What got me thinking was the way people are running around saying that the current problem is all Clinton's fault. Or Reagan's. Or Carter's. I'll betcha that the crisis in the 70's could be traced back to the 50s, and the way the economy was restructured to accommodate the suburban explosion of post-war America. 1950s America was the result of a deficit-friendly government providing college educations and jobs to most white Americans.

Before that, we had the war-industrial complex with a depression sandwiched between two huge wars. But what came before World War I? What was so significant about the last third of the 19th century?

How bout this for a thought. The problems we are facing now are just a continuation of the economic structure that was invented in the second half of the 19th century and the first few years of the 20th. That was when a few significant things happened:

1. America began to become a dominant industrial economy
2. The focus of our economy moved from farming and slavery to industry and ownership
3. We stopped focusing on producing and started to focus on owning

I'll probably formulate this more later. But an economy based on consuming more than it can produce, and a constant borrowing to pay it "later". I have a feeling that maybe we've reached the end of this. I'd love to read a really macro historical view of the last 150 years or so in terms of economics.

ok enough for now. wake up people - dancing with the stars is on.

Basement Rewiring

I earned some more home improvement snaps today. My brother-in-law Horacio helped me do some rewiring in the basement. Basically, I thought this would be easy. We were just going to take lighting fixtures that were currently on pull-chains and convert them to be controlled by two three-way wall switches.

Well, my 100year old house had some different ideas. Apparently every friggin outlet on the north side of my house is powered by the same breaker that feeds these three light bulbs. A day and a half later, I crack the code of the wires.

Now my basement is totally dark most of the time and then gloriously bright whenever I want. We used to have to leave a small flourescent light on because the basement was un-navigable without it, but now everything is controlled by the same switch. I'm proud of this, but only until the house burns down. I'm only half joking.

How Many Indictments Until You're Voted Out

I guess Ted Stevens found out. I don't know much, except that he solld his vote and got busted for it. He's finally gone and Palin-land has a Democratic Senator for the next six years. You betcha. http://mobile.nytimes.com/

Another Roadside Attraction

We were driving through middle america a few weeks ago and we saw this. A 40 foot white cross in the middle of a cornfield. I suppose it was some sort of war memorial or something. But something about it struck me as really wrong.

I'm sure it cost this small town a decent amount to build it. They chose to build this huge monument instead of building schools or hospitals or library books. So I thought what's so important about this monument that this town would decide to donate private or public money at the expense of other things?

It occurred to me that this was a picture of everything that was wrong about the last 8 years in America. We have been living in a charade of public displays of patriotism and religiosity. Hypocrisy festers when the only standard is how devoted you appear to be to God and country.

A huge aluminum cross in a cornfield does nothing to make America better. Instead it glorifies the patriotism and religiosity of the builders. What we need is authentic love of God and country and our fellow man, and not shallow gestures.

Definition of Insanity

Business, it seems is the art of doing something over and over again and expecting different results. We are all insane. Right now, everyone is cutting costs - layoffs and staff adjustments abound. Unfortunately, unless there is a fundamental change in process, productivity will drop. Fewer people will do less work than more people, presumably, unless they go about it in a fundamentally different way.

One thing we know about process change is that it is expensive. No one wants to buy new tools, or revamp old ways of doing things, because there is time expense or capital expense, and besides the old way was successful once, right? Only a fool would lay out cash to re-engineer a process in the middle of a weak market, right? Wrong.

Here's the insanity. If you trim staff and resources during a downturn, to adjust for low order volume, you will greatly hinder your chances of ever coming back. You will be out the cost of the turnover (severance, unemployment, recruiting, training), before you can take one step beyond your low order level. By trimming staff, you effectively say, "we are at this low level until further notice." Inertia inevitably sets in and you become accustomed to the lower volume of business and the smaller staff size.

The BEST thing to do at times like this is take the staff you would lay off, and put them on a task force and require them to revamp and retool processes, and then train the rest of the team. Give them solid benchmarks and goals, constantly measure KPIs and use metrics that actually matter. That way, you are not out the cost of the turnover, you can accomodate growth, and when the growth eventually does happen, you can handle it even more efficiently than before the downturn.

Instead, as we see all over America, companies are not making themselves better, they are just making themselves weaker.

Two dollar gas

Isn't it funny how we freak out about gas prices? I was in Mattoon, IL and saw this gas station. Being from the city - land of the 60 dollar fill up - I was shocked and immediately snapped a picture. Then I began to think about it.

We use about 13 gallons of gas a week. I'm no expert, but that probably puts us at about average. At $2 per gallon, that's about $26. At $4 per gallon it's $52. Over 52 weeks, I'm paying $1352 more when gas is at $4 per gallon than when it's at $2. Seems like a lot.

Actually that comes to 3.70 per day. Or, alternatively, the cost of a frothy cappucino. So the difference between unreasonably high gas prices and super-cheap gas is about a cappucino per day. For a lot of us, that's pretty insignificant.

Makes me wonder why the election made such a big deal about "pain at the pump." Fox News wouldn't shut up about how offshore drilling would "solve" gas prices. Obama and Biden spent a lot of stump time going on about alterrnative energy, which although good for the environment was also intended to ease people's fears about gas prices.

You know why I think that everyone panics? Because gas prices change every day. And we all have to buy it every week. It's just so visible. We have so many other problems, I think we are just spending too much time haggling over so little.

Road to Greenville

Beck and I are on the road to Greenville, IL for our friend Joel's wedding. We left our kids with my mom & dad and hit the road. So far the most exciting thing is that the check engine light went on in Matoon. More from the wedding later.

Alfie's, home of the Loinburger

Andrew and Liz managing the greatest cheeseburgers in the world.

Yes we did

I'm pretty proud of America today.

I'm proud that more people voted than ever before, and that the highest percentage voted since 1908.

I'm proud that we elected the son of an African to be president. And finally silenced all those who continually defamed America as only benefitting rich white men.

I'm proud that America mandated that the funneling of wealth from the middle class to the wealthiest Americans has got to stop.

I'm proud that we expressed our demand for and end to the wars and bullheaded diplomacy.

I'm proud that we finally recognized that the lack of affordable quality healthcare is the biggest domestic problem we face.

I'm proud that I voted.

Most of all, I'm proud that we got it right.

(My friend, Karen took this picture from her balcony)

Bush Still Making Hay

Did anyone else see what GWB is doing with his last month or so of power? Seriously. He's single handedly dismantling as much as he can. The economy is in shambles, the wars are out of control, and here he is destroying everything from civil liberties to the tax code. He's not even closing Guantanamo - a promise he made to avoid looking like a blatant war criminal. We're all caught up in the next administration while this one is SERIOUSLY out of control.

Posting a Contact form Using Ajax

Here's the challenge - to make a form that appears by ajax, post to a page, and then have it return the response text. My friend digitalbart pointed out the futility of server side validation on a form that is only visible by javascript, but hey, that's just how I roll.

I would have posted the actual code here, but syntax highlighter doesn't seem to like me very much. I'll try to get the code posted in a bit.

Ah here we go - As you can see, the primaryAction button drives the post. There are five arguments to the $.ajax function... and they are type, url, data, success and dataType.

<script>
$(function(){

$(".primaryAction").click(
function(){
var name = $("input#name").val();
var email = $("input#email").val();
var subject = $("input#subject").val();
var message = $("textarea#message").val();
var office_email = $("input#office_email").val();
var urlt = $("input#urlt").val();
dataString = "name="+name+"&email="+email+"&subject="+subject+"&message="+message+"&office_email="+office_email+"&urlt="+urlt;


$.ajax({
type: "POST",
url: "/includes/emailform.php",
ata: dataString,
success: function(data) {
alert (dataString);
$("#ajaxresults_"+urlt).html(data);
},
dataType: "html"
});

return false;
});
});
</script>